


Introducing: King Crabinator

by lunartaurus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff without Plot, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 19:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4403966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunartaurus/pseuds/lunartaurus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Karkat crushed on Nepeta.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Introducing: King Crabinator

**Author's Note:**

> Pre-SGRUB, prior to them being acquainted.

_You weren't sure when it started, but at some point that stupid precursor to her text began smoothing out the irritation so often creasing the lines in your face._

Your name is, incidentally, Karkat Vantas and--no. We're not going through that old song and jig, everyone fucking knew your name, synonymous with obnoxious capital letters and a penchant for toilet plugging metaphors. 

And, oh, were you proud of those old things. Some people toted big guns, others could code and rub it all your face like the shitclots they were, and you? You might as well heave your vocabulary up over your back and sprinkle words over your shoulder while skipping down don't-give-a-fuck-lane, one of your absolute favorite walkways. (A limited but highly sought skillset.)

But enough of that. You've got a message.

You know you have a message with that annoying  _ping!_  noise you couldn't turn off since the last time Sollux "helped" you with your husktop troubles. 

  


That--

That  _thing_.    
That.   
Smiley face??? 

Your pinky gives your caps lock a habitual tap, and then another since, hey, you had that little light all ready for your prose before. Fingers poised over the keys, but no, no you're not going to ask about that smiley face, you're going to keep the words of, say,  _WHY WOULD ANYONE USE SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN VILE DESECRATION TO THE ORDINANCE OF NORMAL CONVERSATION, AND DON'T BOTHER TELLING ME ALL OF MY CONVERSATIONS FOLLOW THE SAME FUCKING PATTERN_ , because--

She was still typing??   
With those little *'s, too.   
Was she RPing at you?   
Who sent this girl to your trolltag??  

There it is again, littering your screen

  


And there's the other little thing accompanying it, a small tug in your chest that froze your normal barreling train of thought through madeupcursewordsville, and then another tug at the corner of your mouth, your lips making a sort of...twitch opposite its usual orientation. 

Of course your expression fades back to the usual sourness, but your hands retreat into the sleeves too big for your six-sweep year old frame, and you watch the messages continue to pile up on your trollian. 

She's talking about someone again.

> AC: :33 < hes not so bad!   
>  AC: :33 < just kind of sweaty 

Who was sweaty.   
Why was she telling you this again?

It might help to ask her, but you have yet to type a single word to her, and this must have been the third time she's trolled you, unwarranted.

You hit your caps lock again (and then again), cracking your fingers over the keyboard as impressively as you've seen it done in the movies. Too bad it has yet to help your coding skills. 

 

> CG: KARKAT FINALLY DRAWS HIMSELF AWAY FROM FAR MORE IMPORTANT LEADERLY BUSINESS TO ANSWER THIS PERSISTENT, NOT-SO-ISOLATED INCIDENT. 

You pause and push away the stack of movies on your desk. 

 

> CG: KARKAT CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE THAT THIS HAS HAPPENED ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION WITHOUT A SINGLE SUSPICIOUS LINK TO A WEBSITE THAT WILL SEND ME NUMEROUS, FILE-ASSASSINATING VIRUSES THAT SIMULTANEOUSLY PROVIDE ME HOURS UPON HOURS OF GLEEFUL ENTERTAINMENT TO FIX WHILE I GRIND MY TEETH TO NUBS RIVALING THE PROTRUSIONS ON MY CRANIUM.   
>  CG: KARKAT ALSO CANNOT BELIEVE HE HAS SPENT MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES OF HIS PRECIOUS TIME READING THE RIDICULOUS ASTERISK ENCASED ROLEPLAYING THAT A STRANGER HAS BEEN SPAMMING HIM WITH.  
>  AC: :33 < there you are!   
>  AC: :33 < oops   
>  AC: :33 < *ac says, swishing her tail in greeting!*

There it is--  
No, not that dumb smiley face,  the small tug in your chest that scattered your thoughts momentarily. 

You crack your fingers again as the trollian window  _pings!_  another message, tap your caps lock again (and then again, with an impatient flick), and scoot closer to your husktop. 

No one could hold sarcastic RPing against you, right? 


End file.
